Reborn

Saturday, August 20, 2011. I saw him because it was his nephew’s birthday. If you could remember me right saying a lot of times in my blog that it will be a hard time for us to go on in separate ways that is due to the fact that we share a lot of common friends and family.
Honestly, it was a great relief on my part, seeing him and having this casual conversation, even text messages, made me realized that we can be better off as friends. But at the back of my mind, this is the same person who got me death for two weeks.

But on the lighter side of everything, this experience made me a stronger person, a person who doesn’t depend on others just to be happy. I am thankful for this wonderful journey with him… 2 years… existence… death… reborn.

Moment of Truth

Two nights ago was the moment of truth…

Finally had spoken to him about my feelings, about my stand, about or almost everything that questioned my mind and my heart. Just to share what we have discussed:

Me: Gusto kong malaman ..tayo pa ba? Ako pa ba? Gusto kong malaman para alam ko kung nasan ako …Mahal mo ba ko …. Ako ba yun sinabihan mo ng I love you sa FB
J: HINDI
Me: May iba ka na ba? Hindi kita inaaway, gusto ko lang ng information
J: Meron, Jay ang name.mag 1 month na kami
Me: Anong nagustuhan mo sa kanya
J: May dimples
Me: Bakit di mo sinabi?
J: Ayoko kitang saktan, ayoko rin na Makita ka ng family ko na umiiyak
Me: Ano bang ayaw mo sakin? Dahil ganito ako?
J: YES

Those were some of our conversation… though short but it was really painful. I wanted numbness and just forget about it like it didn’t happen. My close friends would tell me to just release my emotions, cry like it would never end coz somehow it will relieve me from this hurt. Also advised me that every relationship has an end for the likes of us. Wanted to be positive as they say but one thing’s for sure I wanted to feel nothing, I want to become numb. I want to feel the pain; I want to torture myself with this kind of emotion. I wanted to compete.

All these and the 2 years we had, I think I won’t be able to move on. It hurts to think and feel that even if you made him you’re everything, still at the end, he/she will leave you…

Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see ...it isn't me...