Reborn

Saturday, August 20, 2011. I saw him because it was his nephew’s birthday. If you could remember me right saying a lot of times in my blog that it will be a hard time for us to go on in separate ways that is due to the fact that we share a lot of common friends and family.
Honestly, it was a great relief on my part, seeing him and having this casual conversation, even text messages, made me realized that we can be better off as friends. But at the back of my mind, this is the same person who got me death for two weeks.

But on the lighter side of everything, this experience made me a stronger person, a person who doesn’t depend on others just to be happy. I am thankful for this wonderful journey with him… 2 years… existence… death… reborn.

Moment of Truth

Two nights ago was the moment of truth…

Finally had spoken to him about my feelings, about my stand, about or almost everything that questioned my mind and my heart. Just to share what we have discussed:

Me: Gusto kong malaman ..tayo pa ba? Ako pa ba? Gusto kong malaman para alam ko kung nasan ako …Mahal mo ba ko …. Ako ba yun sinabihan mo ng I love you sa FB
J: HINDI
Me: May iba ka na ba? Hindi kita inaaway, gusto ko lang ng information
J: Meron, Jay ang name.mag 1 month na kami
Me: Anong nagustuhan mo sa kanya
J: May dimples
Me: Bakit di mo sinabi?
J: Ayoko kitang saktan, ayoko rin na Makita ka ng family ko na umiiyak
Me: Ano bang ayaw mo sakin? Dahil ganito ako?
J: YES

Those were some of our conversation… though short but it was really painful. I wanted numbness and just forget about it like it didn’t happen. My close friends would tell me to just release my emotions, cry like it would never end coz somehow it will relieve me from this hurt. Also advised me that every relationship has an end for the likes of us. Wanted to be positive as they say but one thing’s for sure I wanted to feel nothing, I want to become numb. I want to feel the pain; I want to torture myself with this kind of emotion. I wanted to compete.

All these and the 2 years we had, I think I won’t be able to move on. It hurts to think and feel that even if you made him you’re everything, still at the end, he/she will leave you…

Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see ...it isn't me...

Nang Makita Ka

I never expected that this day would come. It is so hard to just leave and not see you because we have common friends (Monday Group). A friend told me that you were the one insisting to call and text me so I can come.

Today I saw you...
Shiver down my spine...
I don't know what to do...
I don't know how to react...

Seeing you was merely giving me death... I was tortured...

I have always wanted to let you go. I was afraid that by seeing you again, it would rekindle the moment that we're still together.

Was advised to let go...to let HIM go... I was and going in tears... I knew this would happen.

We had drinks, we sung songs straight from the heart. We felt every line was for us...about us...

It's so hard... so painful...

I know I had to move on and set you free. I know it's killing me... I don't know how to end this... I still love you, I still care for you.

My feelings are non sense... I have to look forward and have a new life.. without you...

You'll always be someone....

The Best of Pampanga

July 15, 2011

It was a Friday night, when all of us (Luzil, Mark and I) decided to go to Mark’s hometown, Sta. Rita Pampanga. Not only we wanted to explore the place but it’s also a celebration of Mark’s regularization at work.

We left the office around 7pm and luckily caught a bus at Estrella, making it more convenient for us travel wise. Getting there was Php 130. It was roughly 10pm when we reached Sta. Rita but never got bored because of the alien movie karate we watched during the trip. It was hilarious yet corny. We bought some pork and chicken barbeque for our late dinner and ended up buying a bottle of Emperador Light in Ministop.

We reached Mark’s house and greeted Jojo (brother) and KC (brother’s girlfriend).
So here’s what happened:
Friday Night – Upon getting to his place, we ate Nilaga, barbeque and rice. And had some chitchats and drunk Emperador Light. Met Georgia and two little kittens which were adopted (yellow color) and picked from street (black color)
Saturday – We woke around 10am and did some grocery in the market. I committed myself to do the cooking stuff. My lists were: Chopsuey in Oyster sauce, Chicken with Mushroom/Peas Sauce, Tilapia. Sorry guys, I haven’t calculated my expenses for I don’t count my change. We didn’t cook the rest of the food because Mark’s kuya bought some food from fiesta. It was a sumptuous meal, Kaldereta, Chopsuey, Menudo, to name a few. After dinner, we had karaoke at their house until 4pm. After belting our hearts out during singing, we decided to go for a little swimming at Villa Alfredo Resort. Villa Alfredo resort is located Baliti, San Fernando Pampanga and for more details you may view them at http://www.villafredos.com/. It was around 9pm, we reached back home after fetching KC in Floridablanca, Pampanga. I cooked fried chicken with mushroom and peas sauce which was good for our dinner because some of us were really hungry by that time. You thought that we ended up sleeping after eating, but no, we still headed to Angeles, Pampanga for some enjoyable and happy music. We went to Wishing Well which was so a great place to unwind because the bar offers good music and voice from two bands which caters two different genres of music, one upbeat and the other is mellow. This was or this is my LIFE… Slept around 3:30pm after some
Sunday – woke up really late this time around, I think it was 11pm. Rushed to the kitchen to fry tilapia for our lunch. Had small talks and tease from Mark, anyways, had named him as Johnson, watched ASAP rocks, packed things and starting to get the feeling of going back to reality. Before leaving the house, we ate cassava cake which was so delectable; it just melts in your mouth. Bought some pasalubong, uraro (arrow cookies) , turones de kasoy, and ever famous chicharong may laman which costs around Php 130.

I guess it made us hard to leave such a memorable place who gave us wonderful time. We had lots of stops.
First Stop – Pasalubong and Ihiwan store. Mark’s girlfriend was craving for Chicharon, Chicken Ass.
Second Stop – San Guillermo Church in Bacolor. Upon seeing the sunken church caused by lahar, it was very inspiring to see how they rebuilt the church. Half of the church was covered with lahar when Mount Pinatubo erupted in 1991. The second serves to be the entrance now of the church, there were a lot of paintings, pictures of the old church, relics of saints, statues of Mama Mary and Jesus, paintings, and had known that this was the church used during tapings of Santino in May Bukas Pa. Truly religious at its work.
Third Stop – Razon’s Restaurant. We had to stop in here because of their delicious Halo Halo. It costs around Php 60 each. The price was cheap compared to the tasteful bliss of eating it. It feels like you are eating sherbet with sweet decadence.
Fourth Stop – Last but not the least Pampanga’s Best Store. Mark had to buy tocino for his team as a treat for them. Prices are very reasonable. For more information you can check them at http://www.pampangasbest.com.ph/

Though the trip was tiring, we definitely enjoyed ourselves, who would dare to say not… just kidding…

Bakit

Bakit ba pag nagmahal sobrang complicated, sobrang magulo at hindi maintindihan ang mga bagay bagay.

Bakit ba may masaya, may malungkot, may simula at hangganan....Bakit sa una, laging okay, laging swak ang mga pinag uusapan, walang pagtatalo...

Bakit ang sarap sarap ng feeling pag magkasama na kayong dalawa lang... pero sa bandang huli nagkakalabuan nang sa una nama'y laging nagkakaintindihan...

Bakit kaya may ending... Bakit kaya nabuo ang isang pag iibigan kung sa huli nama'y nagkakasakitan...

Bakit pa ba nagkatagpo... Bakit sya pa...

Bakit pa ba may pag ibig...

It's Over and Moving On

Before I start on, I want everyone to know that I have written this separately.

I can still remember our happy moments, as if the day would never end. Those small talks, hangouts, our love for our family and friends. I will always cherish and relinguish that special spark, wishing it would never stop... These are the things that made me hard to move on...

As they say time flies so fast but why can't I? It would be hypocrisy if I would say I had moved on, that I can tell the whole world... "the hell with it or not my loss".

But whatever and wherever he is...

Please say goodbye...
Please say it's over...
Please stop and go away...

It's been weeks and finally came to my senses without any doubt that I have this courage to leave him and strength to move on. The question now that boogles me "Is this really happening or I am just suppressing just to cover up my feelings"

But none of these answered or even question my decision....I was very happy with what I made. Finally I can shout out loud"Hey I'm GREAT"

Two Years.... Made him my King... My Everything ... My Love... My Life...

Back to Writing

Here I go again as I write another chapter in my life. I'm 30 and single. The same thing happens everyday... I go to work, eat, sleep, drink and fall in love.

Not usually that I encounter love but this time I did. How could someone not fall in love with a guy who is close to you, who is very sweet and almost know the inside of yourself "my heart"...

As the song goes " it starts with one hello" ... there he was standing in front of me. As I saw him in the hallways I always knew that I will have a certain connection with this guy. and I'm proud to say "I'm in love with him", really does the saying goes "love comes in unexpected way".

At first I never thought that along the way I was falling ...falling in the sense that I wanted to see him everyday, wanted to hear his voice, wanted to share stories with him and share deep dark secrets.

But I guess the song has to end and so am I.